Author Archives: pabswikk

Pabswikk’s Monotonous Speeches [PMS]

Wow it’s been a long time. And by that I mean LOOOOOONG time. In fact I feel bad posting this. Since I stopped posting there must have been 10 posts which are incredibly helpful and interesting. I feel bad to break the mold and go back to boring topics like James Bond like I promised I would at the end of my last post. In fact it hardly even seems relevant anymore with the release of Quantum of Solace being so long ago. But I will anyway.

Oh and if anyone was wondering why I was gone for so long, I have been writing a book, which I am hoping to have published one day. Fingers crossed.

Ok, onto the main event. Bond!

So what will I be concentrating on? Well only the easiest part to concentrate on. The actors. I will be covering the main 5. These are:

Sean Connery

Roger Moore

Timothy Dalton

Pierce Brosnan

Daniel Craig.

She Shells Shea Shells By The Shea Shore

She Shells Shea Shells By The Shea Shore

This is Sean Connery for the idiots out there. A little known fact, he used to be a body builder before acting. One of the few successful conversions to acting. He managed to turn Bond into a slick, cool headed individual with a very dry wit. Basically encapsulated what it was to be British, and managed to pull it off with a Scottish accent. Nicshe!

...The 70s were an odd time...

...The 70's were an odd time...

Yeah, an odd Bond. He wasn’t even a really great actor. He was more a product of the zany 70’s and it really shows. Odd gadgets, unusual names [Pussy Goldberg?!?] and even odder villains, like the nigh invincible Jaws.

But it was fun, and a time when Bond enjoyed great popularity. I for one immensly enjoyed him as Bond because he was definitely the funniest one. And had puns coming out of his ass.

Why does no-one remember me?!?

''Why does no-one remember me?!?''

I think good old Tim was ahead of his time. His films were [I think] the grittiest until Daniel Craig. His films would’ve been better suited to the naughties. I enjoy his films much more now than when I first viewed them. His Bond was less witty and more dark and emotional. Very underrated.

Smug Irish...bastard....

Smug Irish...bastard....

A Bond for the nineties, returning the wit and slick to the Bond series. Goldeneye was perhaps my favorite Bond film of all time, and Sean Bean is the best 007 villain ever. It’s a shame the villains only went downhill from there, leading to a media mongul starting a war to gain more press. But Pierce was still so cool that if you look at ‘Slick’ in an British dictionary it’s a picture of him. And Sean Connery. Perhaps kissing….I dunno…

He got this women in the bed by asking her to help him look for a pencilcase. Imagine what shed have done if hed used an actual chat up line!

He got this women in the bed by asking her to help him look for a pencilcase. Imagine what she'd have done if he'd used an actual chat up line!

So Daniel Craig. The badass motherf***er of the Bond world. Taking no prisoners and no puns, he swings into action. Literally swings. Or jumps. Or flies through an explosion on YOUR FACE! Seriously his stunts are so amazing he lost half a finger doing them. And I presume he then went on to bang his directors wife and daughter. Before killing some Nazis. That’s how bad-ass he is. The only poor thing is that after killing the nazis via time-travel, he wouldn’t say something like ‘And there’s still ebough TIME for brunch.’ No he’d say something like ‘RAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH’ before blowing up Germany in a massive explosion and jumping onto a segway going at 1000 mph and jumping over a ramp and landing in Merry Old England. Hopefully next to my house.

So Many Bonds, so little time. All a product of their time, all equally good in their own way. I’m assuming the next one will be a hacker of some sort, and the 2020 one will be a cyborg.

Thanks for listening, hopefully I’ll get inspiration for a more helpful article before next time.

Pabswikk’s Monotonous Speeches [PMS]

Hello! Welcome to the latest edition of my posts.

As people who read my last post will know, this post is about the:

Console Wars!

As Christmas approaches, happy parents shop dilligently for the consoles their children want so badly.

You can now buy the Nintendo Wii using only your soul as currency

New deal at Target: You can now buy the Nintendo Wii using only your soul as currency

So that all you readers can beg your parents/friends/lovers/God to get you the right one I am going to give a brief summary of the strengths and weaknesses of each of the three contenders. I will give each a rating out of 5 stars.

Nintendo Wii.

The release of this console led to every guy to ask the nearest girl to Play with his Wii

The release of this console led to every guy to ask the nearest girl to 'Play with his Wii'

Now, ridiculous name aside, I’m sure alot of you know more about Wii than I do. Hell I barely even play with my Wii anymore. I mean, wii all have one right? It’s definitely the cheapest and has the potential to give the most fun.

Whilst playing with my Wii, I realised that the companies other than Nintendo who were making games weren’t using the console effectively. With it’s motion sensing technology, I’m sure many consumers thought ‘OMFG SWORDFIGHTS’ One company realised what was going through every man’s mind and made ‘Red Steel’. I felt….underwhelmed with this game. And after the first 2 months of having the console I’d stopped playing. The Guitar Hero was released, and I played for another month. Now Christmas is approaching again, and I see no possible reason to get back into playing. But the point remains. This console can be fun, and is best used to have a laugh with mates. The graphics aren’t great, but graphics aren’t everything. It’s relatively cheap, can be fun and has a great name. Just don’t expect it to deliver all your gaming needs if you’re a hardcore gamer.

Final Verdict: * * *

A solid Three stars. Fun, accessible, and great for parties. And the controller is multi-use!

Xbox 360

You know why they call it the Xbox 360? Cos you see it, turn 360 degrees, and walk away.

You know why they call it the Xbox 360? Cos you see it, turn 360 degrees, and walk away.

Ok, that was a poor pun, but the xbox does have one reason people walk away from the it:

The Red Ring of DOOOOOOM.

Xbox has the worst figures when it comes to breaking down. Something in the region of 40% of all Xboxes collapse within a year of purchase.

The good news is its become so much cheaper in the past few years,  and it has a huuuuuuuuuuge range of games. It’s got more exclusives than the other two consoles and good internet access. It’s made for the casual gamer. Something you can play with mates, or by yourself, and not be a total geek. Good graphics as well, as good as anyone needs, and can also play DVDs. Unfortunately they lost the ‘High Def’ Vs ‘Blu Ray’ war, meaning that you can’t fully utilise their movie playing features.

Final Verdict: * * * *

This console has alot going for it, and will provide endless hours of entertainment. Possibly the best fact is that most gamers have one, so you and your friends can play over Xbox LIVE. Unfortunately that has a subscription fee, and the console is prone to breaking down.

Playstation 3

Am I the only one who feels threatened by this picture?

Am I the only one who feels threatened by this picture?

Ok. It’s the best console. Full stop. Best graphics, best hardware, and perhaps even the best looking. So why is it the least purchased?

The hardware is years ahead of it’s time. It won’t be until roughly 2012 that we see consoles matching it.

I can’t really diss this console, but I can point out why it’s not selling (And perhaps why it’s a bad purchase)

1) Not enough games. The same games are on this console as are on the xbox 360, albeit less of them

2) Companies aren’t maximising the consoles potential. The graphics on most games are xbox 360 standard.

3) It’s just too damn expensive. Full stop. Not worth the money.

Final Verdict: * * *

Give it a few years, wait for the price to drop more, then it will be worth it.

So in conclusion, what do I think you should play your games on?

Suck it conventional game consoles!

Suck it conventional game consoles!

Yes. The PC.

Why do I choose this?

It’s got the most games, the best multiplayer games, and free internet play, if you have internet OFC.

It also can have splendid graphics, if you choose to splash some money. but even some lower end computers can play iconic modern games, on low grahphic settings. Everyone has a computer, making it easy to get started. All you need to do is going out and buy some goddamn games.

Also it has the easiest purchasing of games. For instance STEAM is cheap, and all your games are downloaded and stay on your account.

Next time on P M S:

The names Bond. James Bond

HUM THE THEME TUNE NOW!

HUM THE THEME TUNE NOW!

Pabswikk’s Monotonous Speeches [PMS]

I am so sorry to everyone in charge of this blog [And the readers] for my blatant disregard of regular updating. I just have too much going on in my life at the moment. Fortunately I am now announcing that I will be posting every wednesday, starting next wednesday. If you guys like my posts I may even do Sundays as well.

Ok onto today’s topic.

I wasted 4 years on this game, and all I got was this Lousy sword

I wasted 4 years on this game, and all I got was this Lousy sword

Ok. MMORPGs. Or to be more accurate, just MMOGs. The RP bit of this games has died a bit. I personally play 3 at the moment, and have played every major one released since WoW and also quite a few free ones.

I have never gotten to the end of one. My attention span is too short.

Now I’m sure you ALL know of MMOs and alot of you probably hate them, and you’re right to. They’re a waste of time, and a waste of money. They’re addictive and, quite honestly, bad for your health.

MMOs feature a persistent world where your character is permanent, and you can help change the course of the game [Sometimes]. The reason it’s addictive is that you feel like a hero, and get to show this off to every other player out there. In this post I am going to describe why they’re addictive, why they’re TERRIBLE and compare the biggest and best ones out there.


World Of Warcraft has 10 million active players. That’s more people than those living in Belgium and Armenia put together. They have a bigger population than 2 countries in the UN. That is insane. If all the WoW players in the world seceded from their respective countries they would have enough manpower to make their own country [Which would likely be called Azeroth or something].

So, what is my point?

As a gamer, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to ignore the growing power of MMORPGs. So I have turned to face the new age of gaming and embrace it.

But, just like sleeping with a sadist, it can be a painful experience. I love RPGs and these games fail to fulfill my roleplaying fantasies. All the major ones in the market fail to look after their target market and try to hard to pull others in. The only one that gets it’s target market is WoW, which targets idiots with too much time on their hands.

In this game you dont get to sleep with Arwen. What a rip off

In this game you don't get to sleep with Arwen. What a rip off

Lord of the Rings Online.

I actually currently play this. It’s a roleplaying dream. Faithful to the world it’s set, with stunning visuals, it’s perhaps the best MMORPG in the market today. And it’s the one game where I don’t want to hide my character’s horrific face with a helmet. I actually like my character. And I am getting more and more immersed in Tolkien’s world. The only problem is No Magic. Or at least you can’t use any as there isn’t a class called ‘Gandalf‘. So they are stuck. In their attempt to be faitful, they removed magic, and made a poor replacement known as Lore. It also lacks decent PVP.

All the Elves in this game have a stick up their own ass, and have helmets that look phallic.

All the Elve's in this game have a stick up their own ass, and have helmets that look phallic.

I also play Warhammer Online. I have some serious problems with this game, and the only reason I even have an account is because I like the game it’s based on. It is NOT an RPG. It is an MMO Fighting game. It is impossible to immerse yourself in this game. It’s just constant fighting with next to no story. The fighting is good though.

Its like the 18+ version of Lord of the Rings.

It's like the 18+ version of Lord of the Rings.

This could have been the best game EVER. Barfights, naked dancers, huge seiges, player made cities, and blood and gore. It is like the 18+ version of Lord of the rings in that it’s based off a book, and deosn’t pamper to the idea that only orcs are evil. In this game you can choose to be a right bastard and kill ever other player you ever meet. Unfortunately, due to broken promises and lies from Funcom [The producers, whom I have a love for because of the Longest Journey games] no-one trusts this game anymore. Also the visuals are too stunning, making it impossible to play this game as it’s meant to. I did play it and enjoyed it, but currently I don’t play it.

Like an anime. Thats the problem.

Like an anime. That's the problem.

This game….is toooooo long. It’s made for koreans, and as we all know Koreans lack souls and emotions. Westerners should avoid or risk becoming Zerg [Oh yeah I made a starcraft reference....Biatch!]

D&D for the MMO world

D&D for the MMO world

Simply too much stuff for a new player. Too many classes, races, missions, and stories to take the game seriously. I mean I have had a sony account for one year, and when I started this game I just spent one day in my apartment poking my pet Giant Carnivorous Plant. It’s simply too much to get into. A real timewaster, unless you ignore half the content and rush to the end of the game, which takes away from the whole experience

Taking over the world, 1 million people at a time.

Taking over the world, 1 million people at a time.

How do I put this…..just……..this game is THE MMORPG. I play it.  It’s not the best, but it’s impossible to flaw it in any way since it works so well. Even the worst computer can play it, but the visuals are stunning. The story isn’t bad, but it doesn’t lack huge player battles either. Blizzard have dominated the market, and know exactly how to stay on top. When one game says ‘Omg check out this cool thing we’re doing in our game’ WoW just puts it in theirs first. They have a huge, stunning world, with great environments. GG Blizzard….GG

In conclusion, I siggest try out WoW, AoC or Lord of the Rings if you want to try out an MMORPG.

If not just play Warhammer Online.

NEXT TIME ON P M S!!!!

Pabswikk will be discussing the biggest war happening today!!!

THE CONSOLE WAR!!!!!!

Who will survive?!?

Who will survive?!?

Pabswikk’s Monotonous Speeches [PMS] No. 2

Hello again! Sorry for the laaaate post, I had a few issues at home to sort out.

As I said last post, this week is going to be about a certain event in 2009 that I am looking forward to eagerly.

That is Watchmen!

WATCH out for this one! (Oh the hilarity!)

WATCH out for this one! (Oh the hilarity!)

I am not going to bore you too much about the details of the comic itself. What I do want to say is I’ve been reading comics since I was about 5 and what I know is everything BEFORE this comic [Graphic novel] was sometimes hard to take seriously. After this comics took on a much darker turn. Look at Batman today :

This guy is going to beat seven shades of s**t out you!

This guy is going to beat seven shades of s**t out you!

And look at him BEFORE Watchmen:

Yeah, because kicking the giant Gorilla is reeeeaaaaally going to achieve anything

Yeah, because kicking the giant Gorilla is reeeeaaaaally going to achieve anything

There were many terrible comics to choose from…I may not have chosen the best examples, but to see all the examples of superheroes making fools of themselves, visit Superdickery

So to sum up my point, Watchmen gave comics a gritty tone. Death, rape and violence all in one story. It gave a more serious edge to comics, raising issues such as communism and utalitarinism. The most exciting development before this in comics was the death of Gwen Stacey in SpiderMan.

If it seems I’ve gone off point, I haven’t. My reason to babble so much is that over the past few years superhero films have been rolling into the box office faster than you can say ‘Look to the sky!’ I hope that Watchmen next year does for films what it did to comics. Because after that we have a looooong list of Marvel and DC movies being released (Thor for instance) and if they don’t meet my ridiculously high expectations I will cry.

So I leave you with this question:

Who will Watch the Watchmen? I know I will!

Next week!!!

In lieu of the recent release of Wrath of The Lich King, I’m going to be talking about MMORPGs, as I’m sure many of you know and hate them!

Gh3y f4g LOL!

Gh3y f4g LOL!

Pabswikk’s Monotonous Speeches [PMS]

Howdy!

As any reader can probably notice I’m new here. I wish to contribute regularly to this blog. It will be updated from Wednesdays to Fridays and will hopefully manage to keep to my two topic schedule in each post I make.

My two topics will always be:

Topic A) Something I find interesting.

Topic B) Comics, or other media.

So without further ado, allow me to start my monotonous speech!

Consumer Stupidity!*

We all love consumers, or at least business men do. It’s all around us in our every day lives, no matter where we look, and one day most of us will fall prey to the pretty colors and forget to read the fine print:

LOOK AT THE PRETTY COLOURS!!!!!!!

LOOK AT THE PRETTY COLORS!!!!!!!

This as some of you will know, is the Xbox Elite. I was at a London based gaming store, checking out the games when I came across the Xbox corner.

You can buy an Xbox for about £100-170 depending on whether it has a hard-drive and the size of that hard-drive, plus some nifty other features. So the cheapest is £100 and doesn’t have a hard drive. The most expensive has a 60 gig hard-drive.So you can either get a cheap xbox which lacks some features that are important, but not unavoidable. Or you could buy the more expensive version which comes with hard-drive etc. The difference in space costs you £70

OR you could buy the PREMIUM VERSION AND THE ELITE VERSION!!!!!!

‘Oh Premium edition! You only cost £200 pounds for your 20 gig hard-drive and metallic paint coat!’

Wait. What?!? You’re paying more for less memory and a new paint coat? Ok, you’d have to be an idiot to get this. At least if you’re gonna buy premium, you’re probably going to dish out the extra £30 needed for an Elite right?

So what is the Elite? Well it’s got a fancy black paint coat, and a green and black HDMI cable. So for the same price you pay to upgrade from no hard-drive to huge hard-drive you can also get a paint job.

For a minute I thought ‘Wow HDMI cables must be so expensive.’

So I went two shelves across and found a HDMI cable for £5.

£5!!

I just saved myself £55 by moving partway down the aisle! It must be people either really like black stuff, or have a phobia of purchasing two items instead of one. No-one is this lazy.

Just to check, my friend and I posed a little test. We went up to a clerk to quiz him. We asked him if there was anything we were missing. According to this clerk, literally the only additional feature is the HDMI cable.

So my friend bought the cable by itself, went to the DIY store near his house, bought a thin black spray can and a tin of flourescent green paint. I warned him not to, but he went ahead with his plan. The next time I saw his Xbox, it looked exactly like the elite, except the little green bit on the cable was a little….less professional. But I would fall for the ruse any day of the week. So he ended up saving £40, and treated us all to a meal.

I’m kidding, he bought Fable II instead, the bastard.

Anyway the moral is, consumers are lazy idiots, and even a little research can save you a lot of money.

Companies love you and want your money and will do anything to convince you to give it to them.

ONnly an idiot would buy this shit. The white one looks better anyway! Go McCain!....Nah not really, I hate that guy

Only an idiot would buy this shit. The white one looks better anyway! Go McCain!....Nah not really, I hate that guy

For the less ecomomically inclined Americans who can’t figure out my references to sterling, take all the numbers, double them, and you’ll get a rough idea of the amount of money we’re talking!

Now hopefully I haven’t bored you too much, because I have my second topic now, which I hope is more interesting than my first one!

THE WATCHMEN!

Who watches the Watchmen?

Who watches the Watchmen?

Now for all the comic book freaks out there, I’m positive you’ve heard of this, and for most people who use StumbleUpon/have access to the internet, I’m sure you have too. There is a major film being released about this seminar ‘Graphic Novel’ in 2009, and from what I’ve heard, it’s going to be the Dark Knight of the year. Perhaps it will be even better! (Oh no he didn’t!)

My next post will go into more detail about this, since my dear brother (An ex-blogger) told me to keep this short. So that was a little taster.

Goodbye, and good luck!

*All information not included in post was not included to make corporate companies look evil! Also, if you’re reading this, you’re reading the small print, which shows you’ve learned a little from my post. All information in this post is 100% accurate and all data was taken from www.gamestation.co.uk
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,286 other followers