Real Patient Charts.


1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1983.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insig-nificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
21. I saw your patient today,who is still under our car for physical therapy.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
27. Large brown stool ambulating in hall.
28. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

[ Source : anonymous, but not me of course ]

God speed and Best wishes.


About GN

From brushing your teeth, to handling your money the way you know you should, GN has the experiences, scoops and tips for your disconnected and wired life.

Posted on January 17, 2008, in Humor, Life and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Death certificate cause of death: Old age, nothing serious.

  2. Nice!
    I will take this and post on my blog, can I?

  3. You certainly can post it on your blog Shiphire, perhaps link to us! 🙂 I’m not familiar with x link though, what’s that?

  4. probably pr0n.
    music, you’re a joke btw.
    all you do here is write about how you want free stuff.

  5. I think Music here has formed his own identity, the freeloader character. 😛

  6. yep, you actually do see that in the charts.

  7. Lol, I get stuff free while others pay. Stop compaining about paying for stuff and do what I do. I made $50 doing absolutely nothing on awsurvey. I got a free zune charger pack (car, wall, and usb chargers) off prizerebel and helped voltaire with some referral points at the same time. And all the stuff I got from Endless Nocturne: Eternal Sonata Game (xbox 360), ES Strategy Guide, Chopin Music CD, ES Xbox 360 faceplate, $15 itunes gift card. All of those were completely free, to get them I had to create videos, pictures, and other stuff all based on the game Eternal Sonata. And now, I’m about to get a 40GB PS3 or $375. Only charge for the PS3 was the people I had to pay to be my referrals. If people were nicer and just gave me them without wanting money in return, I would be doing quite good for myself wouldn’t I?

    BEAT THAT HATERS! I get more free stuff because I “work” for them while people like “God” can’t get sh!t for free and hates people that do for some reason…

  8. OH! And how could I forget? I got a Zune for $5 from the Live Search Club! There is another $200 added onto my free stuff total.

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