Welcome to a new addition to GN’s weekly column! Humor is a healthy, extremely important part of life, so starting today every first Thursday of the month I will be posting some sort of humor oriented material.
This week, we have church bloopers. These are real lines from church/religious ads, postings or signs. Where they are from remains a mystery.
1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
3. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please: use the back door.
4. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth Into Joy.”
5. A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
7. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
8. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
9. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Adams.
10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
Bean supper followed by music. Music ladies and gentlemen.
1. 3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.
2. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3. Vacation special: Have your house exterminated.
4. Dinner Specials: Turkey $3.25 Chicken or Beef $2.75 Children $2.00.
5. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
6. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery.
7. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
8. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
9. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
10. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
11. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
12. Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.
13. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
14. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
15. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
16. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Finally, I will leave off with a single, coma inducing picture. Enjoy!
[ Source : personal e-mail ]
God Speed and Best wishes.