Have you ever read a book or watched a movie that had a truly deep effect on you? I’m sure everyone has, and I’m also sure that everyone says the same thing to themselves after reading or viewing it: “I wish I could be experiencing this for the first time again.”
We, as people, feel attached to feelings and experiences over anything else. You watch your favorite movie, and the one thing you’d want more than anything is to watch it again for the first time. It’s clearly logical that you can only watch something once for the first time. It’s a sad truth.
My favorite movie is Fight Club, and every single time I watch it, I wish I could be watching it for the first time. If you’ve ever repeated something that you’ve enjoyed, you desperately wish that you were experiencing it from the very beginning. And although there is no possible way to make it like the primaries and remembering it, there are some actions to take so that what you’ve done lasts a lifetime.
Remembrance. Don’t forget what it felt like by making some form of personal goals, beliefs, or life lessons that you’ve set or gained from your specific encounter. With Fight Club, for example, there are many quotes and dogmas that I take into account when I go about my daily routines, my normal life. Let what you have gained from your experience change you for better or for worse, because you might regret it if you don’t.
Let’s not forget about basic life experiences, though. Often times, we observe something that is nature at its most random, and will most likely never occur again before your eyes or ears. It can be anything from a god coming down from the heavens and talking to you, or something as simple as an eagle diving down and snatching a squirrel in your presence.
Although I highly doubt anyone has seen a god, that is of minimal importance. What is relevant is whether the observer truly believes that he was lying in his god’s presence and what sort of impact it had on him. From this, he may gain certain principles and opinions that will most likely shape the rest of his life according to what had happened to him; same goes for the smaller stuff. Just as well with the eagle snatching the squirrel, one may expand this minimal observation and press certain ideologies to his life. He might say, “The world might be more vicious than I thought;” In correlation, it might confirm certain speculations involving previous encounters: “The world is vicious, just like I guessed before.”
Every little thing that one does can have the biggest impact on him. It’s all about perception—the way one sees things. Each thing can simply be defined by how it appears or what it obviously means, or that same thing can have a deep philosophical meaning to which one can learn a life lesson from. It’s a big world, even in its tiniest specs.
Explanations to unidentified reasons as to why parents blame you, the child, for everything wrong in THEIR lives.
Throughout life, everyone has problems with their parents, from the most perfect family to the most shallowly disoriented. Often times, from the parents’ perspective, it’s safe to assume that your child is off doing things that he/she should not be doing, of course. Although that is the safest thing to assume, it isn’t fair and it isn’t right, because it’s not always true.
Every parent exerts respective authority to the best of his knowledge with hopes of being an adequate role model. It is safe to say that no one can be 100% at anything, no matter who they may be. Having said this, I’d like to proudly point out that parents are defective a whole lot more than they presume! A WHOLE LOT!
But before you jump at my throat for unjustly slandering your perfect parent, hear me out. No matter whom you are, you are bound to wrongfully expel some anger and rage toward those who do not deserve it. For example, if you are working immensely for the better part of your day, your “lovely” boss is yelling at you, and you’ve just learned that you’ll have to continue using the bus as transportation to work for another week because your car is getting a full tune-up from that accident that wasn’t your fault, then you are expected to have at least a tiny bit of anger bottled up inside. Anger that, for the most part, will be thrown at the wrong people.
As a person, I know that everyone has some steam they’d like to blow off once in a while. I understand. I understand you just fine, parents. But what I DON’T deduce from all this, nor choose to accept your judgment as a reasonable answer is, “Why do you discharge your fury on those you love most?” What I mean is, from all of the people you hate, and the hundreds of strangers you see every day, why’d you decide to make your loved ones most miserable? If family comes first, why do you put them last?
The reason is targets. Everyone, even you and I, have targets on who we take our anger out on. Usually, it’s somebody we come in contact with every day; a co-worker, a classmate, or in this case, a family member. Adults pick their children (or spouse) as targets because they are the most qualified candidates for the job. How could they not be!? From a parent’s point of view, you will never get in any serious trouble for yelling or punishing your child, you have complete control over them AND they get mad when you punish them. I’ll give you the basic breakdown: Parents wrongfully punish their children so they can feel better about their useless lives. They have nobody to boss around, so they control their children. Plain and simple. Making someone else feel bad makes you feel good! It’s human nature! Although the more stress you have, from work, school, pressured life, etc., the more you tend to save for later. Using your child as target practice for anger-release techniques grows and spreads in a person’s subconscious faster than wildfire. More anger means more hatred toward your children, which, in turn, means more relief and release for you.
Don’t get me wrong, I am no therapist. If you’re looking for a specific solution that involves “5 Easy Steps” to relinquish your anger in a positive way, you are sadly mistaken. I cannot, nor can anyone else, give you that formula. There is no specific recipe for fixing family relationships because every individual’s family is different. We are all different; that’s what constructs our unique components. So, for me to tell you how you should behave with and around your children would be to unwillingly alter yourself. Then this would all be pointless, wouldn’t it? Just like robots.
I have no specific answer, although here are my “5 Easy Steps” that apply to the general population:
- Do not mistreat the ones you love most, self-explanatory.
- Parents, don’t find false reasons to punish your children, find other ways of releasing anger.
- The children of parents (which is everybody), stand up to your “tyrants” and remind them that you’re not just some random piece of trash off the street, you are their child.
- When choosing a target, make sure it’s someone that you have reason to hate, or no reason to love.
- STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY!
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Stripping oneself of emotional beliefs ultimately leads to the inability to possess judgment. In simpler words, people often try to detach themselves from their emotions because they believe it will make them stronger. In reality though, emotions are coping mechanisms; ways to remove a burden or two, which allows room for rational thinking.
People often think that ridding themselves of emotions will make them stronger and able to handle anything; this is not true the least bit. Truth of the matter is that emotions give you the Human Element; leisure, happiness, momentary judgment, etc. To cage one’s feelings is close to being a robot: You have a formula for everything; an equation to every situation. This would not work because even the most stubborn person will admit that life is unpredictable and there is no real way of controlling it.
NOT ENOUGH EMOTION
Relating to examples from my life, I once was an eerie teenager with a deep fear of emotional thinking; I was afraid of getting hurt. I reconciled the same inhuman behavior, and before I knew it, I was more machine than man. I have no intention of sounding like the Terminator, but it was quite true. I extirpated all “irrational” thoughts from my mind as well as my life.
For a good period of time, I believed, with all my heart, that I was doing the right thing by lunging my humanistic beliefs aside and trying everything by a belief system I created (that comes later). Now, when I look back on it, I feel like I’ve wasted a good part of my life. True enough I’m only 17, but high school is a time to be cherished. I gaze back at the past and see that all the times I’ve attempted to be right and true to life’s equation looks like a sham; a sorry excuse for fear and failure. All of those years I thought I was doing the right thing, but in fact, my life was more damaged than the average person’s.
I’m not saying I regret those years (I regret nothing), but I certainly wish I’d realized the error of my ways sooner rather than later. The events that occurred blossomed me into the person I am today, but I could have easily avoided the death traps had I known the simplicity of nearly all of the events that transpired.
TOO MUCH EMOTION
Being a machine is one thing, beyond human is another. At this state, a person is making him/her feel bad for the simplest of things; drama would fall under this category; and although things might suggest to be “The most important thing of your life!”, I assure you, it isn’t. Gander at the big picture here, and don’t be stuck in the present. Ask yourself, “Will it be important 10 years from now?”
People who let their feelings get the best of them often find themselves giving into peer pressure or doing things they would never actually do just to fit in. Over thinking is also common among these fine critters; situations that are normally child’s play turn into exhausting mental dribble.
I suppose having a proper amount of balance in anything is essential: The right foods with the right diet, plenty of sleep due to hard work, etc. This is especially true when it comes to emotions though. You don’t want to turn into a zombie robot, but you don’t want to go lower than a willow tree because of the slightest occurrence.
Balance, the key is balance, not too little, not too much.