Pabswikk’s Monotonous Speeches [PMS]

Wow it’s been a long time. And by that I mean LOOOOOONG time. In fact I feel bad posting this. Since I stopped posting there must have been 10 posts which are incredibly helpful and interesting. I feel bad to break the mold and go back to boring topics like James Bond like I promised I would at the end of my last post. In fact it hardly even seems relevant anymore with the release of Quantum of Solace being so long ago. But I will anyway.

Oh and if anyone was wondering why I was gone for so long, I have been writing a book, which I am hoping to have published one day. Fingers crossed.

Ok, onto the main event. Bond!

So what will I be concentrating on? Well only the easiest part to concentrate on. The actors. I will be covering the main 5. These are:

Sean Connery

Roger Moore

Timothy Dalton

Pierce Brosnan

Daniel Craig.

She Shells Shea Shells By The Shea Shore

This is Sean Connery for the idiots out there. A little known fact, he used to be a body builder before acting. One of the few successful conversions to acting. He managed to turn Bond into a slick, cool headed individual with a very dry wit. Basically encapsulated what it was to be British, and managed to pull it off with a Scottish accent. Nicshe!

...The 70's were an odd time...

Yeah, an odd Bond. He wasn’t even a really great actor. He was more a product of the zany 70’s and it really shows. Odd gadgets, unusual names [Pussy Goldberg?!?] and even odder villains, like the nigh invincible Jaws.

But it was fun, and a time when Bond enjoyed great popularity. I for one immensly enjoyed him as Bond because he was definitely the funniest one. And had puns coming out of his ass.

''Why does no-one remember me?!?''

I think good old Tim was ahead of his time. His films were [I think] the grittiest until Daniel Craig. His films would’ve been better suited to the naughties. I enjoy his films much more now than when I first viewed them. His Bond was less witty and more dark and emotional. Very underrated.

Smug Irish...bastard....

A Bond for the nineties, returning the wit and slick to the Bond series. Goldeneye was perhaps my favorite Bond film of all time, and Sean Bean is the best 007 villain ever. It’s a shame the villains only went downhill from there, leading to a media mongul starting a war to gain more press. But Pierce was still so cool that if you look at ‘Slick’ in an British dictionary it’s a picture of him. And Sean Connery. Perhaps kissing….I dunno…

He got this women in the bed by asking her to help him look for a pencilcase. Imagine what she'd have done if he'd used an actual chat up line!

So Daniel Craig. The badass motherf***er of the Bond world. Taking no prisoners and no puns, he swings into action. Literally swings. Or jumps. Or flies through an explosion on YOUR FACE! Seriously his stunts are so amazing he lost half a finger doing them. And I presume he then went on to bang his directors wife and daughter. Before killing some Nazis. That’s how bad-ass he is. The only poor thing is that after killing the nazis via time-travel, he wouldn’t say something like ‘And there’s still ebough TIME for brunch.’ No he’d say something like ‘RAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH’ before blowing up Germany in a massive explosion and jumping onto a segway going at 1000 mph and jumping over a ramp and landing in Merry Old England. Hopefully next to my house.

So Many Bonds, so little time. All a product of their time, all equally good in their own way. I’m assuming the next one will be a hacker of some sort, and the 2020 one will be a cyborg.

Thanks for listening, hopefully I’ll get inspiration for a more helpful article before next time.

Pabswikk’s Monotonous Speeches [PMS]

Hello! Welcome to the latest edition of my posts.

As people who read my last post will know, this post is about the:

Console Wars!

As Christmas approaches, happy parents shop dilligently for the consoles their children want so badly.

New deal at Target: You can now buy the Nintendo Wii using only your soul as currency

So that all you readers can beg your parents/friends/lovers/God to get you the right one I am going to give a brief summary of the strengths and weaknesses of each of the three contenders. I will give each a rating out of 5 stars.

Nintendo Wii.

The release of this console led to every guy to ask the nearest girl to 'Play with his Wii'

Now, ridiculous name aside, I’m sure alot of you know more about Wii than I do. Hell I barely even play with my Wii anymore. I mean, wii all have one right? It’s definitely the cheapest and has the potential to give the most fun.

Whilst playing with my Wii, I realised that the companies other than Nintendo who were making games weren’t using the console effectively. With it’s motion sensing technology, I’m sure many consumers thought ‘OMFG SWORDFIGHTS’ One company realised what was going through every man’s mind and made ‘Red Steel’. I felt….underwhelmed with this game. And after the first 2 months of having the console I’d stopped playing. The Guitar Hero was released, and I played for another month. Now Christmas is approaching again, and I see no possible reason to get back into playing. But the point remains. This console can be fun, and is best used to have a laugh with mates. The graphics aren’t great, but graphics aren’t everything. It’s relatively cheap, can be fun and has a great name. Just don’t expect it to deliver all your gaming needs if you’re a hardcore gamer.

Final Verdict: * * *

A solid Three stars. Fun, accessible, and great for parties. And the controller is multi-use!

Xbox 360

You know why they call it the Xbox 360? Cos you see it, turn 360 degrees, and walk away.

Ok, that was a poor pun, but the xbox does have one reason people walk away from the it:

The Red Ring of DOOOOOOM.

Xbox has the worst figures when it comes to breaking down. Something in the region of 40% of all Xboxes collapse within a year of purchase.

The good news is its become so much cheaper in the past few years,  and it has a huuuuuuuuuuge range of games. It’s got more exclusives than the other two consoles and good internet access. It’s made for the casual gamer. Something you can play with mates, or by yourself, and not be a total geek. Good graphics as well, as good as anyone needs, and can also play DVDs. Unfortunately they lost the ‘High Def’ Vs ‘Blu Ray’ war, meaning that you can’t fully utilise their movie playing features.

Final Verdict: * * * *

This console has alot going for it, and will provide endless hours of entertainment. Possibly the best fact is that most gamers have one, so you and your friends can play over Xbox LIVE. Unfortunately that has a subscription fee, and the console is prone to breaking down.

Playstation 3

Am I the only one who feels threatened by this picture?

Ok. It’s the best console. Full stop. Best graphics, best hardware, and perhaps even the best looking. So why is it the least purchased?

The hardware is years ahead of it’s time. It won’t be until roughly 2012 that we see consoles matching it.

I can’t really diss this console, but I can point out why it’s not selling (And perhaps why it’s a bad purchase)

1) Not enough games. The same games are on this console as are on the xbox 360, albeit less of them

2) Companies aren’t maximising the consoles potential. The graphics on most games are xbox 360 standard.

3) It’s just too damn expensive. Full stop. Not worth the money.

Final Verdict: * * *

Give it a few years, wait for the price to drop more, then it will be worth it.

So in conclusion, what do I think you should play your games on?

Suck it conventional game consoles!

Yes. The PC.

Why do I choose this?

It’s got the most games, the best multiplayer games, and free internet play, if you have internet OFC.

It also can have splendid graphics, if you choose to splash some money. but even some lower end computers can play iconic modern games, on low grahphic settings. Everyone has a computer, making it easy to get started. All you need to do is going out and buy some goddamn games.

Also it has the easiest purchasing of games. For instance STEAM is cheap, and all your games are downloaded and stay on your account.

Next time on P M S:

The names Bond. James Bond

HUM THE THEME TUNE NOW!