Explanations to unidentified reasons as to why parents blame you, the child, for everything wrong in THEIR lives.
Throughout life, everyone has problems with their parents, from the most perfect family to the most shallowly disoriented. Often times, from the parents’ perspective, it’s safe to assume that your child is off doing things that he/she should not be doing, of course. Although that is the safest thing to assume, it isn’t fair and it isn’t right, because it’s not always true.
Every parent exerts respective authority to the best of his knowledge with hopes of being an adequate role model. It is safe to say that no one can be 100% at anything, no matter who they may be. Having said this, I’d like to proudly point out that parents are defective a whole lot more than they presume! A WHOLE LOT!
But before you jump at my throat for unjustly slandering your perfect parent, hear me out. No matter whom you are, you are bound to wrongfully expel some anger and rage toward those who do not deserve it. For example, if you are working immensely for the better part of your day, your “lovely” boss is yelling at you, and you’ve just learned that you’ll have to continue using the bus as transportation to work for another week because your car is getting a full tune-up from that accident that wasn’t your fault, then you are expected to have at least a tiny bit of anger bottled up inside. Anger that, for the most part, will be thrown at the wrong people.
As a person, I know that everyone has some steam they’d like to blow off once in a while. I understand. I understand you just fine, parents. But what I DON’T deduce from all this, nor choose to accept your judgment as a reasonable answer is, “Why do you discharge your fury on those you love most?” What I mean is, from all of the people you hate, and the hundreds of strangers you see every day, why’d you decide to make your loved ones most miserable? If family comes first, why do you put them last?
The reason is targets. Everyone, even you and I, have targets on who we take our anger out on. Usually, it’s somebody we come in contact with every day; a co-worker, a classmate, or in this case, a family member. Adults pick their children (or spouse) as targets because they are the most qualified candidates for the job. How could they not be!? From a parent’s point of view, you will never get in any serious trouble for yelling or punishing your child, you have complete control over them AND they get mad when you punish them. I’ll give you the basic breakdown: Parents wrongfully punish their children so they can feel better about their useless lives. They have nobody to boss around, so they control their children. Plain and simple. Making someone else feel bad makes you feel good! It’s human nature! Although the more stress you have, from work, school, pressured life, etc., the more you tend to save for later. Using your child as target practice for anger-release techniques grows and spreads in a person’s subconscious faster than wildfire. More anger means more hatred toward your children, which, in turn, means more relief and release for you.
Don’t get me wrong, I am no therapist. If you’re looking for a specific solution that involves “5 Easy Steps” to relinquish your anger in a positive way, you are sadly mistaken. I cannot, nor can anyone else, give you that formula. There is no specific recipe for fixing family relationships because every individual’s family is different. We are all different; that’s what constructs our unique components. So, for me to tell you how you should behave with and around your children would be to unwillingly alter yourself. Then this would all be pointless, wouldn’t it? Just like robots.
I have no specific answer, although here are my “5 Easy Steps” that apply to the general population:
- Do not mistreat the ones you love most, self-explanatory.
- Parents, don’t find false reasons to punish your children, find other ways of releasing anger.
- The children of parents (which is everybody), stand up to your “tyrants” and remind them that you’re not just some random piece of trash off the street, you are their child.
- When choosing a target, make sure it’s someone that you have reason to hate, or no reason to love.
- STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. STOP BLAMING OTHERS. TAKE SOME RESPONSIBILITY!
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Something really hit close home today. I was at work, and I had found out that one of my fellow co-workers, his mom just died this morning from battling lung cancer. He is not much older than I am. He is 28, and I am only 25. I love my mom, and hell, my mom does a lot of things for me that I take for granted these days.
She helps prepares my taxes, and handles the finances, especially with handling the logistics of a new house I just recently got (that is a different story). After hearing the news, I sort of started thinking “Who do you take for granted these days?”
In my family, no one has died yet. Yes, I had a grandmother pass away, as well as an aunt, but I didn’t really know them. My aunt died from breast cancer, and my grandmother from stroke. This was a few years ago. The aunt is survived by her husband and three children. Last I heard, the father was doing OK but it took him a couple months for grieving.
Someday death will arrive at my family. Who will it be? My parents? My brother, sister, myself? You don’t know, and I don’t know. If my parents were gone, would I know enough to survive on my own? Once you think about it, the moment someone dies, it is a lot of work afterward to clean up their “mess”. You have to arrange a funeral and invite people. You may need to sell off the house, or pay off the deceased loans/bills. The hardest part of it all is continue to live life when that loved one is no longer with you.
I have not had the experience yet to lose someone close to me, but I fear that when that time comes, I will not be strong enough to carry on (for at least a while). Could you? If you had a loved one that was taken away from you, how does it feel? How did you cope, or even manage?
Death is a natural part of life, and in part, it is scary in it of itself. You are hear on this planet for X amount of time. After so many years, you got to kick the bucket. Then what? Yes, many people have a religion and they believe in Christ and that they will go to the afterlife of some sort.
I am Catholic, and I have faith that an afterlife does exist, such as heaven, with God. It sort of gives me an inner peace so I can carry on with my daily life. If I didn’t believe in such a realm, I think I would just stare at the wall all day and get sucked into this black hole of what is the purpose of life thing.
Worst case scenario: Imagine there is no afterlife, then what? Just go *poof* and that’s it? You ever hear stories about how fact is stranger than fiction? Such as the statue of Mary in Rome that has tears running down her eyes? Or the cop video that shows a criminal car driving through a fence without knocking it down?
What do you think? How do you get a grip on life with your own existence, knowing that someday you too will disappear forever? Scary, right? *shudders*
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